Headgate Update

Why am I still posting about headgates? Two reasons. 1). I get hit after hit to my site everyday about people looking for more headgate information. 2). It's been three months since I learned about it and I wanted to report.

The first time I read headgates (thank you very much Karen for posting about it right after the Forum), I was blown away with truth. Some of the specific examples I thought were a little extreme, but I loved the concepts and the principles. (I'm all for great ideas!) I felt strongly that she taught truth. Truth and principles that I could take and interpret within my own sphere.

I applied many truths she talked about, adapted to fit our home and our personalities.

STEP 1: We got rid of a lot of stuff. We removed clothes, shoes, sheets, wall hangings, decorations, dishes, spatulas, a computer, piano books, office supplies (like paper clips! - we had a lot), movies, and LOTS and LOTS of toys and books. I think we removed 50% of our stuff. Really.

STEP 2: We stoped certain activities. We classified toys and tools. Office supplies were used for legitimate projects. Building tools were used for legitimate projects. The computer became a tool and not a toy. Food became a tool not a toy. Movies were not to be watched unless they served a purpose and usually only if the entire family participated.

STEP 3: We instituted work time. We taught our children how to work. We began to expect them to do hard things. We expected them to do more than do the dishes after dinner or take out the trash. They learned to work hard for three hours straight. They learned how to clean toilets, do entire loads of laundry start to finish, make bread, vacuum, deep clean, dust, make dinner, serve people, move lots of wood on our land, and numerous other outdoor work projects. They learned to not whine. We taught them to return and report. We taught them to be responsible for their stewardships.

STEP 4: We gave them free time. Before we had randomness. Now we had work time and play time (or free time).


STEP 5: We changed to all lifeless toys. After a month or two we decided to go further down the path. We removed every last Lego, lightsaber and other "follow the instruction" toy. (We just put them in the shed until the experiment was over). We said we'd just do it for a month to just "see" what would happen. We moved the boys all into one room and made a playroom that was only filled with those toys.


STEP 6: Three months later. Let's evaluate. That's were I'm at right now. We really did all the things she said in her ebook (not her FAQ page-I think some are not right for our family. Just the same way I don't believe some of the ingredients are right for our family. But I've still taken truth out of it with out having a panic attack about the rest).

Evaluate. Yes. Let us do that. The scriptures say, "by their fruits ye shall know them." We had a really good home before. We had really good kids before, and I was was a really good mom. (Alex has always been great. I'm extremely biased). Now? We have great kids. We have great kids that work their guts out and are growing up to be real men that can take care of their families. We have a daughter that's growing up to be an amazing women. We have great kids that aren't bored. We have great kids that have amazing imaginations and can make all sorts of creations out of sticks and twine. We have great kids that don't whine when we ask them to fold the laundry. We have great kids that are respectful to us. They recognize where they are in our family structure and they embrace it. They know each of roles and they respect each one of us in our individual spheres. The 'me' culture seems to be getting driven out of our lives.

I personally, don't think that I have ever truly felt more peace and happiness in our family structure. Our home as become a heaven on earth. There are few worldly distractions and we pursue wholesome activities that we find joy in. The desire to have fun has been replaced with a desire to enjoy things.

About the books. Our children have come to cherish their free time. They spent a lot of time playing but they spend a lot of time choosing to read also. It is not uncommon to see Jared on the couch reading a 500 page book, Olivia in her room reading Cicero (or some other meaty read), Luke to be reading a Shakespeare play (abridged), or Caleb writing a story in his story book. Really. They didn't do that before. And really, they are happy.

About the Lego's. Yes, I'm going to bring the Lego's back. However, they are going to stay in the shed outside. If they want to play with them they have to go and get them. They have to act for themselves and not be acted upon (thank you Misty). They may then play with them and then they will return them to the shed. They can of course pursue this activity during free time. My older two boys have enough Lego hours saved up in their little minds to last a couple kids' lifetimes.

It seems hard to image that our life could be so drastically different for the better. We were a really good family before. We were always vigilant on our movies and entertainment. We had strict Wii 30 min time limits. We never let them read trash, no graphic novels, and a host of other books that I considered not worth reading. We went from good and better to best. And that has made all the difference in the world.

By their fruits ye shall know them. Yes, it is truth for us. We are grateful for great people that share their ideas and thoughts.

Core Phase Thoughts

A true principle that I believe in is the concept of core phase. Call it whatever you would like. I believe we each start at a place where we must build a foundation. I believe that core phase is built on Jesus Christ. Right and wrong are learned. True and false are evaluated. The reality of good and bad are discovered. In this phase we learn values and principles that will be a rock upon which we can built the rest of our lives.

In our home we specifically focus on the truths found in The Family: A Proclamation to the World: "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." Once this core foundation is firmly established we can move on and learn more about life. I do not believe that we will ever be successful unless we have a base to stand firm on. We would be blown about with every wind of doctrine and we would fall.

One thought that I've been contemplating lately is how are we as adults doing with core phase? We may believe it's important for our children, but have we obtained a solid base to built everything on for ourselves?

It is my opinion that a great many moms and even more dads are still in core phase. This is in no way a judgment on the individual, but a reflection on our society. Most things in our society are aimed at keeping us in perpetual core phase. Just a thought. Something to ponder.

Keri Tibbetts gave an excellent description on how to know if your child (apply to yourself) is still in core phase. She said if they are in core phase they will use their free time to play. Remember core phase as been described as 50% work and 50% play. I know husbands all go to work and moms wash, clean, cook, and sew but what do they do when they are done?

Perhaps a wife who uses her fee time to shop, play Internet games, connect with every soul she's ever known on facebook, surf the Internet, read brain candy books, go out to lunch with her friends regularly is still in core phase. Perhaps a husband who comes home from work and plays the Wii, watches TV, knows the stats on every major league team, watches high action movies, rides dirt bikes regularly, shoots random animals, or plays computer games may be in core. These are just the some thoughts. (These things in and of themselves may not be bad, but it is the overindulgence that I'm speaking of).

"What" you may ask. "We work so hard. Can't we play a little to relax and unwind? We need to refill our bucket!" It is my personal belief that women will never fill their bucket if they are seeking outside sources like shopping or lunch dates to regain their "emotional strength." You will always be empty. Those activities will never satiate your soul.

Then what will? Immersing your self in core values. Reading your scriptures, praying to the one true God (who is not the Internet or the television). We must apply the principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities to find personal strength, to find a soul that is healthy, a life that is solid.

When you find yourself at peace and not reaching for quick-fix entertainment you will know you are building a solid core or sure foundation. Your free time will began to be "wholesome." You will do things as a family. You will choose to read a book. You will choose to serve your neighbor. You will choose to go on a walk and observe nature. You will choose to learn a new skill. You will choose to write something. You will choose to become something other than a robot that is that is addicted to computers, games, shopping or sports. We will be whole.

Perhaps our homes would thrive more if we has parents had some self-discipline and knew who we were and what our purpose was. Just some thoughts....

A Classic

This is just a short ramble.... I could look up the answers in my TJED book but I'm just brainstorming on the computer (and that would mean I'd have to get up and go get my TJED book).

I'm just finishing up a book right now that in it's present form doesn't make the classic list. It's a book I need to give a review to my brother-in-law about because well, he wrote it! It has some great potential, but it needs some direction. All books do I'm sure at the beginning.

So I've been thinking, what makes a classic? Obviously this is personal opinion and each person has their own classics and their own core set of truth. Here's some of my thoughts:

• What is right/wrong or good/bad is established. How is it established? In Jane Eyre she was pursuing truth through out the whole book. At the end she made a decision about her absolute truth. In Louis L'Amour books the good is the man who protects his women, respects the land and improves his mind. In Lord of the Rings wrong is the Eye (I don't remember how to spell his name) who want to force all to bend to his will and be under his rule.
• The "good" characters stay true to their roles. For me I want the women in the classics I read to be feminine. I want them to honor their role as nurturer and wife. I want them to consider this their highest calling. I want the men in classics to recognize their role as protector, provider and presider. I don't want to read about macho women who have gender confusion. I don't want them say it's a truth for them to enter into the work force and prove that they are better then men. Again Jane Eyre and Louis L'Amour are the perfect examples. Other examples include Pride and Prejudice, Little Dorritt, The Odyssey, and Little Britches.
• The main characters seek to over come their human nature. In my classics I want the protagonist to seek to over come their human flaws and recognize the divine truth that they can over come obstacles. They don't give up. They pursue truth.
• Those who make wrong choices face natural laws. I'm not going to read a book and consider it a classic where selfish characters break a natural law and no repercussion occurs. It's a natural law that if you leave your family it's going to come to a bad end. I don't want to read in a book that those who break core truths end up having everything turn out all right. That would make the book false. When you do something wrong characters still must face reality. Like I said, that would be false. I read for truth. I don't need a happy ending, I just want to truth up held.

My Top Literature Classics:

Jane Eyre
A Tale of Two Cities
Les Miserables
The Sacketts
Lonesome Gods
The Iliad
The Odyssey
The Ranger's Apprentice (Total boy classic)
Pride and Prejudice
A Wrinkle in Time
The Hiding Place

There ends my thoughts. I could be watching the Olympics, but I'm randomly timing on the computer. What does that mean? I don't care about Ice Dancing or I'm obsessed with reading/thinking about classics?